There were few persons in my life who were creating problems to me. In spite of my greater understanding of life and its flaws. I was time and again dragged to the same thing. I knew that nothing is so real to harm us but still it had created a deep pain in my heart and a chaos in my brain. Understanding would help us to know things are not real but when such kind of agony pain and suffering comes to mankind he/she isn’t able to avoid those things. We do know those are not going to stay for long but that understanding can’t make our heart as a beautiful white lotus. I have been very happy at one point and very sad at the other as well. I really don’t believe those are happening. I know whenever there is a lot of happiness around there shall be sadness too lurking in the dark ready to pounce you and make you utterly sad. Desecrating Mother earth
Despite my deep meditative practice and spiritual following. I have found my heart to be inside a protective covering and even a slight gust of wind has shattered my inner being into pieces. I have really no idea about my inner ego or what I have been preserving till this date. I know I want to give up everything and just be a simple being. Deprived of desires and will I want to melt in this whole world. Just like a flower smiling with a fragrance that further creates other beautiful smiles in other beautiful souls.
In those instances when I feel those deep pain I come to realize that I have not left all the things that which I have assumed to have left. I am really puzzled, almost like out of nowhere those emotion come to me. Those emotions not only signal that I am just a human being with lots of ego and those are the things which is eating my spiritual soul and my inner beauty. It is adding poison to my whole being and creating a misery which my brain perceives.
The problem is I did all the things, the more I make my persona and my identity the deeper I am going to crush against this pothole. The problem is not only with me it is with my being as well. I know that is a complex sentence. The problem is am not just a human being in this world. I am also an artist an engineer, a singer, a musician and those things go on and on the same thing which creates our identity makes us weak from inside. There were persons with greatest of talents in the past who could say “I am nothing.” Those are the peaks of their inner being who can say those words.
There is a crave of being unique and outstanding in the field of art and devotion the same thing has created my pseudo self-image which is being shattered every moment. It is giving me tremendous amount of pain. Am very confused into problems, Spirituality and materialism those are the two poles of earth which I have stepped my feet into. A lot of years has passed in the same dilemma but things have not changed.
I know this might be very complex for us to perceive but it has been no easier for me as well. Understanding and consciousness are two different words I would like to stress upon. People are puzzled time and again gaining a simple understanding of thing, those would create an illusion of higher consciousness which is never true.
I am always reminded by the beautiful flower which just blossoms as nothing else in nature there are bees around and there are butterflies too and it smiles as if earth was a heaven without any selfishness. This mother earth of ours is already a heaven only if we could realize, but we human being have left not a single instance to make it a hell or even worse.



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