Meditation !!! …. with a babbling mind ?

Posted: December 31, 2012 in Spiritual Philosophy
Tags: , ,

I know who I am but I really don’t know what I am about to type. This all started with the most confused and tormented brain of mine. I am closing my eyes and trying to type whatever that comes to my mind. I know that there are going to be a lot of mistakes which I shall be correcting later. As I have already said that it all started with my tormented mind. I like to be in peace. That’s the basic necessity of my life. But the peace of mine is really stolen and now I am in such state of mind and body. I know satisfaction is a thing which people get from many things in life. I have never felt such kind of success nor any satisfaction. I am really loving this way of typing random things what so ever comes to my mind and its very interesting to type as well. Because only while typing you can do such thing, when you are writing things you need to keep your eyes wide open so there won’t be chance of concentrating and going into deep thoughts of mind due to many distraction. Although I am opening my eyes at times I think it won’t matter much, because this is also my first writing with my eyes closed. I have never in life thought of doing such when writing an article.

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I had written songs and I had also sung some songs without even writing them which really was a nice feeling for me because many people spend a lot of time in writing a song and then adding the chords and then finally they add the melody in three to four step process and if you can sing the song for the very first time without even looking at the lyrics or chords that’s simply amazing experience for me I have had two of such experience in my life.

I know I am looking at the words time and again to check if they are correctly typed or not because I fear later I might not be able to correct the words hence I am looking or in other words peeping
through my eyes time and again just to make sure that there are not much of spelling mistakes in my article. I don’t know right from my childhood I was always concerned with the meaning of things hence I really skipped the monotonous parts of like and grammar is also one of such things in life where you need to memorize many rules. Spelling in English are also really boring part so I have skipped those. I really have a poor grammar and spelling skills. But I don’t think that would be a big problem at the end of this article because I would proof read the article with the help of inbuilt correction tools and it would be neat and organized what a normal person would like to read to or appreciate. That’s the benefit of writing an article in a laptop rather than a paper.

Now I want to change the topics again. I am trying to intensely search for the thing which is inside my mind. By the time I have typed few paragraphs I am already calm now and I am feeling little better. Writing singing or any kind of creative things have always made me calmer and given me inner peace. The most interesting thing is meditation which I am focusing at this time of life. I would like to meditate and I would like to be in deep peace. That really feels good to me as if you are in your natural stable state, i.e. calm and peaceful. This really reminds me of my inner nature. But I don’t know why my mind is so much fast at creating multiple thoughts. I know this is same for all the people but for me I am really irritated with my mind as well because it always has plans for me. Why does this mind need to be very active, can’t it be silent as a lake without any ripples. Oh my inner god, please help me in this. I know everyone wants to be calm and peaceful. It’s not something for people want to achieve as well. Even with such intense drive as well I am just left alone with my hyperactive babbling mind.

Fine who cares, recently I had read that you can’t have any kind of ambitious thought about meditation and silence. This is true. I don’t want to make this my ambition but I would like to be in inner peace and inner silence too.

Hey folks don’t expect any interesting information in this article. Because neither I have any big finding nor I have anything to say to you I am just typing my random thoughts from my brain directly without any processing or any kind of manipulation. This makes it very interesting because you can directly read my brain by just reading to this article in a pure form.

But reading other’s mind or brain is nothing so important that you should be doing. But if you are also connected with inner you and you want to find your inner silence then this writing might be interesting to you. All these years of meditation though I haven’t much meditated or done anything. Still I really feel there was many times where I have just stayed in one place without doing anything in the name of meditation. Let it be if that was useful or not but I don’t need to care about that. This is not the end of life as well. May be they would be of some use later in my life but for this moment it has proved to become absolutely useless.

I am a bit restless and want to check the typing errors time and again, similarly with my meditation as well every time I try to meditate, I always end up being restless and my inquisitive nature to check things and question about its state had been the biggest problem when I am trying to meditate. Trying to check the errors seems to be a very simple problem or might be an advantage as well in a real life but the same behavior in you meditative state would be the worst behavior that you really don’t want at that moment of peace and silence which you are thinking to achieve.

I have tried many times in life not to become restless but my inner hurry is always pushing me towards nowhere. I don’t know why I am in such state. I have read about Vipasanna and I am thinking to focus on my breath in this moment of life but every time I lose my concentration and fall in something else. Let it be. This is not in my control and neither yours too.

You can’t thing in terms of success in the world of meditation and I am just being so stupid and I time and again think from the same prospective. I know the thing which is pushing me back is m own drive to execute things faster and better. This is the byproduct of humanity that we want everything faster better and more efficient. But your all the laws of working out faster and your attitude to do it efficiently and better is something like which makes it even worse. I know you would simply smile at the thing I have mentioned but that’s the truth. A bitter fact that you can’t ignore and never can you even thinks to ignore in your inner world.

What do you want to read about? I am more awake now and lighter too. But if you would like to do some meditation you need to be calm and you need to quit doing everything what so ever that’s the main thing. Our mind is really smart till you defeat it. For now I haven’t been able to outsmart my mind hence I am telling that our mind is smart. But maybe someday I might be able to say our “silly mind.” There is a big difference in those statements as well, hope you figure out the difference as well.

Buddha as the most influential person in the history of meditation and had created some proven techniques in meditation like no others. I am equally influenced by his words and his techniques which I am trying to do every day. And for you people out there just close your eyes and focus your thought on your breath. I too am hoping that this would be the thing which would let me to my ultimate reality of my inner consciousness as well.

Note: Enlightenment cannot become your goal of life because that’s the state which you gain at present and never in future.

 

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